


Ango's Law

by Sildar_Halwinter



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Courtroom Drama, Taako and Ango's adorable father/son thing, Taako being a bad friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-07 09:09:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19206280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sildar_Halwinter/pseuds/Sildar_Halwinter
Summary: Tres Horny Boys find themselves embroiled in a legal battle with the owners of the Rockport Limited, who need someone to answer for their missing train, their dead employees, and all of the valuables they were transporting.With Angus McDonald as their lawyer, and cooperating witnesses on their side the proceedings should be a cinch, but things don't exactly go as planned...





	1. Just Another Day in the Life

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! 
> 
> First off, I've never written fanfiction before, so please be chill. 
> 
> Second, I promise that the real story is on it's way! The next chapter should deal with some Ango and courtroom drama. 
> 
> Third, I love you and have a good day!

The old chapel was dark and smelled of mildew as our heroes crept in through the creaking double doors. Magnus lead the way, torch in one hand, Railsplitter in the other prepared for whatever might come their way. Merle came next, pocketing Ernest the Nitpicker to quiet sounds of protest, looking sheepish and more than a bit intimidated by his surroundings. The pair walked a few feet from the entrance before Merle looked back. 

"Uh, Magnus... where's Taako?," said Merle, his voice quivering in fear. 

Magnus' eyes sharpened as he swung around, as he growled, "Well he's either in trouble, or he's fucked off somewhere. Either way it's not great."

"And I suppose both are just as likely. But he was right behind us! What if we're next?" At this Merle looked around suspiciously, as if spooked by his own words. 

Magnus pondered. "I think what we should do is--"

Just then, a loud, high pitched voice sounded from the front room of the chapel, causing Merle and Magnus to raise their bible and ax respectively.

"Booooored!"

Magnus rolled his eyes, "Taako how did you get in here!?"

"I just blinked, homie, Ernest was taking way too long!" Taako said as he ran from the front room to where his partners were, pursued by four snarling werewolves. 

"Oh call him 'Bud'! It's much cuter!" Pleaded Merle.

"He said his name's Ernest! I may be a bad person, but I'm not an asshole. Now let’s kick some ass.” Taako hissed as he whipped his umbrastaff towards one werewolf, hitting it with a blue beam that caused the werewolf to immediately shrink to about the size of a puppy. Taako reared back his foot, about to kick the small werewolf when Magnus throws himself in front of the monster. 

"Oh for crying out loud, Magnus, they aren't dogs!" 

As if in response to Taako's protest, the small werewolf scratched Magnus' arm, causing Magnus to let out a roar before smushing it under his shield. 

"I guess. But they're so cute!" Magnus says, picking himself up before readying himself and charging at another monster. 

Merle looses a ball of fire at a werewolf, just barely dodging it’s swipes, “You know, you probably couldn’t keep it anyway. ‘No dogs on the moon’ and all that. Besides, aren’t these just people?”

Taako rolled his eyes, leaping out of the way of a huge swing from a wolf while firing magic missiles and saying “Who cares? Get the bad guys and go home. There’s not even a relic here to grab. Aren’t you guys sick of doing The Director’s dirty work, anyhow?”

Magnus swipes at the werewolf in front of him once, twice, a third time, before finally connecting with the creature’s arm and hefting it into a wall, saying, “I don’t know, I think any chance to do good is nice, right guys? Who cares that we aren’t getting paid?”

Taako stops briefly in his deft footwork to gape at Magnus, “Wait, we’re not getting paid?” 

The werewolf takes this opportunity to slam into Taako, throwing him across the room. Thanks to his skills as a flip wizard, Taako lands on his feet and with force jabs his umbrastaff at the charging werewolf, which stops in it’s tracks. It’s skin begins to boil, as if over a hot stove and then, suddenly, the werewolf’s skin is inside out. It falls over howling in pain as Taako looks down on it and says, “Rude.”

He begins walking out the door. “Taako, buddy, where ya’ goin’?” shouts Merle, trying and failing to cast any spell at all at the slowly approaching monster in front of him. 

“If we’re not getting paid for this then what’s the point!?” Shouts Taako as closes the door behind him. 

Magnus blocks a blow from a werewolf with his shield, shrugging it off and pressing the shield against the werewolf’s face before punching the shield and knocking the werewolf out cold. He says, “To help these people, Taako! This town has been ravaged by it’s own neighbors and friends for far too long, and we can’t just sit by and--”

“Blah blah blah helping people, I know the speech. To be honest, I’m a little sick of just helping people.”

Just then Merle managed to cast Shield of Faith as the werewolf pounded repeatedly on the bubble. Magnus ran over to body check the werewolf before pinning it. 

“If you’re done being an asshole can you help me tie this one up? We don’t want to kill them.”

“Absolutely not. I think I’ve saved the world enough times to have saved up some good karma for a cushy afterlife and I think I’m going to quit while I’m ahead. I’ll see y’all suckers at the after party.” And with that Taako left his friends to finish the job by themselves.


	2. Taako's Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After abandoning Magnus and Merle with the werewolves, Taako decides to throw a victory party for himself. When his friends try to confront him, it turns out he'll do anything to avoid admitting that he did something wrong.

“I’m back!” said Taako, spinach puffs in hand. As he wandered through the party, handing out little pastry wrapped bundles of joy, he pondered over his two friends. 

“Do you think they’re OK?” said a small voice.

“Hmm? What?” Taako looked all around before casting his eyes downward at Angus McDonald. 

“Mr.’s Magnus and Merle! Do you think they’re alright?”

“Well if they miss my party you’d better hope they have a pretty good reason!”

Angus looked confusedly at Taako. 

“But they’re finishing up the case at Werewolf Cove! Those poor people. Not being sure who to trust. I’m glad I have everyone at the Bureau to--”

“Yeah, yeah kid that’s all hilarious. Don’t you want to hear about how I saved the day, though?”

“Oh! But I thought--” 

At this the other partygoers quiet down to hear one of the few survivors of contact with a relic tell another thrilling tale. If there was something that Taako was good at, it was telling tales.

“So there I was, standing outside of the chapel we had tracked the werewolves to, pondering how best to attack the situation. ‘I think we should rush in’ said Magnus. ‘Well I think we should just leave’ said Merle. But I knew that sneaking up on them was the best option. So while they fiddled with the door, I used Blink to find my way inside. I drew the monsters from out of their hiding place and towards my waiting sidekicks, and the battle was on! First I shrunk one werewolf and kicked it clear across the room!”

“Wait, aren’t werewolves just cursed peop--” protested a listener.

“Then as one charged at me, I channeled all of the energy I had through my umbrastaff, causing the werewolf to turn inside out!”  
The audience sounded predictably grossed out at this, but Taako knew they were glued to his every word. That was just how he liked it. 

“And so with that I left my compatriots to finish the job! I had taken down two, after all so I--”

“One!”

The door slammed open as Magnus walked through, followed by Merle.

“Maybe one and a half," said Merle, trying as ever to keep the peace.

“Woof, you guys look rough! Don’t tell me those two werewolves did that to you guys!,” Taako said, offering both a spinach puff. 

“Well we did have kind of a bad time withoutcha, buddy,” Merle said, availing himself of about six puffs, “Why’d you run off like that?”

Taako took a moment to think and before taking a bite of spinach puff before saying, “I told you guys, I’m sick of helping other people. Not to mention it was boring.”

Magnus’ eyes widened in anger. “You’re sick of helping people? What do you mean? Taako, as far as I can tell, you did nothing but help yourself before you joined the Bureau and now you get a chance to wipe all your selfish acts clean! And besides, how do you not see that it’s just the right thing to do?”

A few moments passed before Magnus and Merle realize that Taako isn’t listening. 

“Fuck I’m good. These puffs are absolutely kick-ass!” Seeing the Director walk by, Taako begins to run off. “Lucritia! Hey! You’ve got to try these puffs!”

Merle sighs. “Magnus, what are we going to do about him?”

Magnus rolled his eyes and stormed towards the door. “I don’t know. Fuck that guy. He hasn’t had our backs since day one. I’m just about over it.”

But before Magnus could get to the exit Angus blocked his path. 

“Please, sir, don’t give up on Mr. Taako. I know he can be a bit self-centered, but he’s a good man! He taught me to do this!”

Angus pulled his wand off of the lanyard around his neck and spun it around, and suddenly a party hat and streamers burst forth from the tip, landing perfectly on Magnus, who smiled and put a hand on Agnus’ shoulder. 

“Oh Ango. You’re far too good for him.”

\---

Taako steped around overturned solo cups and passed out guests, looking for any leftover drinks. 

“Oh come on, everybody! The party’s not over! It’s only...” Taako checked the clock on the wall. “Seven in the morning.. Well even so! Anybody up for some brunch?”

“Taako, please,” whined Carry, “we went so hard last night. Please just let us sleep on your awful glass floor.”

Taako slumped his shoulders a bit, disappointed that his friends didn’t want to keep the party going. “Oh alright. I guess I’ll have to day drink alone like some kind of drunk!”

As Taako opened the door, he was greeted by a deeply familiar word, “Davenport!”

Taako looked down to find none other than Davenport, holding a letter on a silver platter.

“Oh, for me?”

“Davenport, Davenport Davenport Davenport!”

“Mmhmm, sure. Can I have that now?”

Davenport lifted the tray up towards Taako, who took it and shooed Davenport away.

“Thanks much, but you didn’t come to my party last night so we’re on thin ice, Davenport!”

Davenport looked morose, but only said, “Davenport Davenport! Davenport?”

“Yeah, yeah. Next time!”

Davenport smiled and turned around, leaving Taako on his doorstep. 

Taako looked inquisitively at the letter, which was addressed to himself, Magnus, and Merle. 

“I should probably wait for the other boys before I open this,” said Taako, ripping open the envelope. 

The letter read thus:

“To Mr.’s Taako, Burnsides and Highchurch,

You have been formally invited to a hearing at Rockport City Courthouse regarding your actions on the nineteenth of March, two thousand and fifteen. 

The three of you are charged with identity theft, fraud, and the unlawful destruction of property. 

The hearing will take place tomorrow, the twenty second of September, twenty sixteen. 

If you wish to refute these charges a formal trial shall take place the following day. 

If you do not have formal council, Tom Bodett, public defender for the city of Rockport will be assigned to you. 

-Tom Bodett

Rockport City Council”

Taako read the letter twice before declaring, “Well fuck!”


	3. Angus McDonald: Boy Detective: Attorney at Law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tres Horny Boys discuss their newfound legal troubles with the Bureau.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so short. I'm trying to write a chapter a day and this is all I had.   
> Love y'all!

“Well this is terrible.”

Lucretia re-read the letter with her head in her hands.

“So you see why we can’t do it, right? Just poof it out of everyone’s brains and we can move on!” Taako knew this suggestion wouldn’t work. For someone who had made so many people forget so much, she sure was touchy about doing it in the first place. 

“Taako, you can’t just throw this letter in the tank and have this problem go away. Redaction takes weeks, months of meticulous planning and research. We can’t have people forgetting things that are vital to their lives.”

At this, Lucretia went a bit sullen. 

“It can really change people for the worse.”

Taako squinted suspiciously at Lucretia but decided against asking what she meant. “Look, there will be time for mysterious sulking after my problem is fixed.”

Merle cleared his throat, “Technically it’s our problem.”

Taako waved Merle’s comment off and kept talking, “Maybe we can use some of the bureau’s money too... you know... disappear this problem in another sense." 

Magnus laughed a little. It was the only way to respond to Taako sometimes. He chimed in, “Bribery! I like that. They could use it in Rockport, I bet, what with the missing train and all.”

Merle decided to try his hand, “Or we could commit more murder! We could kill all of the Tom Bodett’s involved in the case and the rest would be none the wiser!”

The three laughed while Lucretia started developing a cluster headache. Eventually she interrupted, “Boys as much as I love your monkeyshines I think that the simplest answer is to go down and respond in person. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

A single bead of sweat formed on Taako’s face as he nodded along with the other two. 

“Yes indeed. No wrongdoers here.”

“Well, not on the train, at least,” joked Magnus. 

Lucretia stood up. 

“To that end, I’ve scoured all of our agents to find the best legal defender we have to offer. You won’t be surprised, I think, to hear that it’s our very own Angus McDonald!

At this Taako threw his hands in the air.

“Oh gods perfect. A double dose of boring.”

Angus walked out sheepishly from behind the director’s chair and Taako turned an indistinguishabley darker shade of red.

“Ta-da! I uh, I’ve spent the past few hours reading everything I could about law, and Leon is actually a notary so you all can just call me Angus McDonald, Esquire!”

The three just looked at him. All so proud of him, but their own pride wouldn’t let them say it. Instead they all said at once. 

“Nah.”


End file.
